People are sensitive to different things for various reasons. A Jew will get pissed if you make a joke about the Holocaust, obese people will get offended by fat humor, and a female on PMS will take everything you say and twist it around until you are not only a sexist Nazi, but have also killed a black man and slept with three hookers.
This examination will give you an accurate judgement of how sensitive of a person you are. Total up your points at the end of each section and when you're finished, add them together to get your final score. For each section, there is 100 possible points.
Section #1: Relationships
If you're a female, give yourself 5000 points and skip to section #2.
10 points if you have a girlfriend.
Add 10 points if you put the toilet seat down at her house.
Add 10 points if you pretend to care about her feelings.
Add 20 points if you actually do care about her feelings.
Add 30 points if it's an online relationship. Then eat a handful of gravel.
5 points if you've called a girl:
- honeySubtract 10 points if you've ditched a female to smoke weed or get drunk.
- snookums
- tootsie
- widdle honey bucket of WUV! (add an additional 20 points)
Subtract 20 points if you've ever walked away from your girlfriend while she was talking to you.
Subtract 30 points if you've ever told a crying girl to shut up.
Section #2: Animals
10 points if you're a vegetarian.
10 points if you've ever lifted a finger to save the rainforests.
10 points if you've tried to save a wounded bird.
10 points if you own an alley maggot.
Add 10 points if it's a kitten.
Add 10 points if it's de-clawed.
Add 20 points if its name is Snowball, Princess, Pumpkin, or anything ending with an "ee" sound.
10 points if you've ever spared an animal because it was cute.
10 points if you think hunting is "wrong."
Subtract 10 points if you own a rottweiler or a pitbull.
Section #3: Racism
10 points if you consider yourself an ethnic minority.
30 points if you get pissed when someone makes a joke about your heritage.
10 points for each statement that you think is racist:
- Fat Mexicans need to lose some damn weight.
- He knew a stupid Mexican Jew.
- The KKK kicks ass.
- Mexicans eat salsa, and I hate salsa.
- Whites hate nickers, kites, and spickets.
- I hate bean dip.
Section #4: Images
20 points for every image that offends you.
Section #5: People
20 points if you don't like it when someone says the word "fag."
20 points if don't find retards hilarious.
20 points if you've never laughed at a midget.
10 points if you're an artist.
10 points for each word that describes you:
- Emotional
- Understanding
- High-strung
- Tender
10 points if you are/were a boy/girlscout.
Section #6: Entertainment
20 points if you've cried in a movie theatre.
30 if it was during "Maid in Manhattan."
10 points if you've memorized a song from "The Sound of Music."
10 points if the dead girl in the closet from "The Ring" made you jump.
10 points if you don't play rugby.
10 points if you've taken a yoga class.
Section #7: Websites
10 points for each website you wouldn't show to your girlfriend
- rotten.com
- ogrish.com
- poopsex.com
- horsebang.com
20 points if you're grossed out by pornography.
40 points if you get angry when a webpage steals its layout from another site.
Grading
| Men | Women | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
Imagine if you could look at something once and remember it forever. You would never have to ask for directions again. Now a group of scientists has isolated a protein that mega-boosts your ability to remember what you see.
